Punishment & Pleasure
I’m sorry for the serious lack of content lately. It’s partially due to life, and also the time of year that just sucks the life out of you. With spring however, came a bit of a rejuvenation and a desire to write about some things that have been on my mind lately in reference to fetish and sexual exploration.
My fetish is essentially anything ass oriented. That includes, but is not completely limited to, spanking, butt-plugs, enemas, etc. The most obvious first choice to explore (for me anyway) was spanking because it seemed fairly main stream, and then anal sex, then toys, enemas, etc as it seemed like a natural progression for me. Some of my earliest fantasies included mild anal penetration in elaborate punishment scenes which often had restraint contraptions, spanking machines, and punishing men working on factory lines. Bizarre, I know.
One thing that was always present was almost a craving for things I found pleasurable being used to humiliate me, or made to be so unpleasant or rough, in order to punish/discipline me. For instance, I enjoy being spanked. I find it massively arousing and can get wet from simply thinking about it, or hearing the word in a completely vanilla context. Based on intent, context, tone, and many other factors a spanking can be very punishing and humiliating for me. It can be something I don’t enjoy. I may react with physical arousal but the experience is not an enjoyable one in any sense. It is one to be avoided. On the flip side, a spanking can be sensual and erotic. It can be the exact same series of events as the spanking that punished me, but based on those same factors (intent, context, tone, etc) it can be a highly sexual experience.
Also, I enjoy anal penetration (whodathunk?), butt-plugs, fingering. These, until this point, have only been used as pleasure centers. The goal of interactions in which anal play occurs, has always been to enjoy it sexually or lead to something else. Used roughly, or without mercy, these could be used in much the same way as a spanking. Where-as being so exposed (bent over perhaps, bottom cheeks spread) to another might normally be a very erotic and arousing thing, in the case of punishment it could invoke feelings of embarrassment and dread for what’s to come. Inserting a butt plug could be punishing by being rough and unrelenting (but still done safely with lube, physical harm is not a goal of mine ever!). Another would be to have to wear the butt-plug with guests over, or out to dinner, or while doing chores or work, etc. There are a number of ways. Enemas too. Enemas punishment could be an entire other post but I’ll be brief. Being forced (through the use of a plug or something else) to hold a large, or even a small, cramp inducing enema would be an excellent punishment.
Often on my mind is the ability to use these other things I enjoy (anal specifically but also other activities such as nipple play, and even orgasm) to punish and/or humiliate me. Granted punishment and humiliation can be great turn-on’s themselves, the sexual gratification tends to come after the act is over, and often times quite a while after the fact. Perhaps being made to enjoy (physically) something I found painful, unpleasant, or humiliating would also itself be a punishment.
When it comes to punishments, I don’t decide the when or the how. It’s not up to me. I leave those choices to the person I’ve entrusted with punishing me. So saying “I’d like you to punish me anally” isn’t going to fly. It’s an interesting conundrum, craving something as punishment but the desire to relinquish control over punishments to someone else. It ties into my submissive nature, which I intend to post about soon.
So this, amongst other aspects of my sexuality, have been on on my mind a lot.